Your Ima
by storywriter30
Summary: She was always sure she was his. Now she knows she's theirs.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Because I definitely need to start another story...**

**This wouldn't leave me alone and it may turn into something. **

* * *

**Your Ima**

**Part I**

He found her down the street from their house. She was sitting on a park bench, her knees pulled up to her chest and her cheek firmly planted on one of the caps. He could see that her lips and her cheeks were puffy and in that moment, the way she was sitting, the look on her face, the running away, she was her mother's daughter - and the thought caused a pang in his heart.

He slowly walked over and sat down next to her, trying to keep a casual air about him even though his heartbeat was just now returning to normal. He'd thought he'd lost her _too_.

He didn't feel the need to tell her that she'd freak them out, scared him half to death. She knew they were the worrying type – him _especially_ with her. He knew that she had always wondered why he seemed to take extra care with her, keep an extra eye always pointed in her direction. He hoped she'd never know the pain of why, but he sensed that the day she found out the truth was fast approaching. Tony had a feeling it might even be today. Sarah had told him about the open trunk.

So he waited for her to speak first. And eventually, she did.

"I know," she stated.

"You know what?" he asked. He'd been dreading this conversation for more than ten years and he wasn't about to jump right into it if he didn't have to.

"I know I'm not adopted."

"You are adopted." And it was partially true. _Sarah_ had adopted her.

"Not by you." her eyes flickered up to meet his before settling back on the bench. "I think I've always known that you were my father - that I was part of you, I just didn't know, for awhile anyway, that that meant I wasn't adopted."

"Kayla, I'm sor-"

She cut him off. "I'm not mad, Dad, I'm just...confused."

"I heard what you found," Tony said.

She pulled the picture out of her pocket and unfolded it. Tony remembered taking it. Kayla's second birthday, Ziva was bent down next to her, helping her daughter blow out the candles.

"This is Ziva, your old partner, isn't it?" She didn't need him to nod, the look on his face said enough. "She was my mom, wasn't she?"

"Yeah. Yes, she is." he confirmed and he couldn't help the sadness that clouded his voice.

She looked at him again, the most desperate look conveyed in those mahogany brown eyes that he'd fallen in love with thirteen years ago, a cold January day when he knew as long as he had his two girls, life would work out just fine.

"So," she choked on the next word, "is this when you tell me she's alive?"

He took a shuttered breath and shook his head before pulling his daughter under his arm. "I wish, Kay, I wish so much that I could tell you that."

"Why'd you hide her from me?" She managed through the tears.

"Aw, Kayla, today I don't know. I don't know why I did that. I wish I hadn't. It hurt so much when we lost your mom, I was beside myself and I just couldn't figure out how to talk about mom and productively raise you. We were barely surviving that way. So I picked raising you because that's what your mom would have wanted and I moved us out here – California seemed like a good place to start over. Then we met Sarah and she loved you and made you so happy. I just wanted you to feel complete. I'm sorry Kayla. It was they only thing I knew how."

"I remember her." She whispered, "I remember sitting on her hip, my head on her shoulder, she was showing me something."

He smiled through the glistening in his eyes. "You remember that?" he asked. "Wow." It took his breath away. Ziva had been toting Kayla around the office one Saturday that they'd had a case. It was two days before she was killed covering McGee's six.

"I've always wondered what that memory was. I knew she was someone important. I knew I loved her and that she loved me and that you loved her, but I was always confused because part of me wanted her to be my mom – it made sense, it felt right, but Mom is my mom."

"Ziva will always be your mother – your _Ima_." He pulled himself together. His daughter needed him to make sense of his mistake – his lie and Ziva expected him to, he owed her that, all these years later. She unfortunately only got to be your mom for a short while. Sarah, Mom, loves you very much and I know she'll always be the mom who raised you. I'm just sorry I kept your Ima away from you so long."

"Ima?"

"Mother in Hebrew."

And suddenly it all made a little more sense to Kayla.


	2. Chapter 2

******A/N: Part two. Thank you for the reception of the first chapter. It really blew me away. I know it's hard for a lot of people (myself included) to imagine Tony doing this and to imagine him forgetting about Ziva and letting another woman raise his daughter, but I think that if you try to understand all they've been through and what it would be like for Tony to actually lose her, I think it's possible for him to be that gone. **

**Anyway, meet Sarah DiNozzo...**

* * *

**Part II**

Both relief and anxiety spread through Sarah's veins when she heard the front door open. Relief, because Kayla was all right, she was fine, she hadn't done something overly rash and gotten into trouble. Anxiety, because today was the day that everything fell apart. She'd held the three – now four – of them together for so long. They'd all been almost okay and now, now everything changed. She wasn't quite sure how to handle it. It was an unusual situation that she now found herself in.

She was upstairs folding clean clothes in the laundry room when she heard the two sets of footsteps diverge. Tony's unmistakable tramps was loud and clear as he made his way up to the second floor and then located her in the back corner of the hall.

He entered the room and sidled up beside her and she stole a glance at him as she folded Kayla's soccer jersey. She had just gotten the most recent grass stain out.

"I think she's okay." He said.

Sarah sighed and shook her head. "Are you sure she's not just in shock?" she asked.

He rubbed his eyes. "I don't know. I'm not exactly a pro at this. I was the one who ran away."

"You just changed her whole existence."

Small feet padded down the hallway until Ethan emerged in the doorway. He rubbed his eyes, taken a back at the sight of Tony. "Daddy," he yawned.

Tony turned away from Sarah and bent down to his son's level. "Hey, bud," he scooped him off the ground, "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"Couldn't sleep," the boy answered, "Mommy didn't know when you and Kay would be back."

Tony nodded and Sarah saw the perplexed look that he threw her way. "Well, we're home, now, so let's get you to bed." Tony carried the little boy out of the room, but only got a few feet before turning back Sarah. He popped his head in the door. "Sarah?"

"Mhm?"

"Can you…"

"I'll try." She pushed out.

* * *

It was awhile later before Sarah gathered the courage to enter her daugh – Kayla's room. She did so under the almost false pretext of dropping off clean clothes. Basket against her hip, she eased the door open and then shut after she entered. Kayla lay on her side, soft music coming from the stereo, her gazed fixed on the closed curtains. Sarah put the clothes in the dresser and then gingerly sat down on the end of the bed.

She wasn't this girl's mother. She wouldn't want to talk to her right now.

Kayla bunched the pillow under her hands and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about, Kay." Sarah returned, tone equally hushed.

Kayla nodded. "But you're my Mom,"

Sarah shifted on the bed and laid a shaky hand on the girl's leg. "But I'm not your mother." She tried to keep her voice even. There was only one person in the room who deserved to be crying right now. "And that's okay."

"I don't know if I wish I didn't know," Kayla said, tears streaking down her face, "Or if I wish she was here, but then…then you wouldn't be here and –" she sat up at the point, startling Sarah, and turned towards her.

"All of my memories," the girl continued, "All of them are with you except for one. And I never knew who that other woman was and it _hurt_ and it felt _empty_. And Ziva, my mom, it makes sense that she's the one that I remember, it makes sense that she's my _Ima_. That she's part of me."

Sarah nodded, swallowed. "It's supposed to," she smiled.

"But it makes sense that you're Mommy, Mom, because you've been the one I've looked up to and you took care of me and I … I don't think _Ima's_ mad."

Sarah wiped her eyes, "I don't think she's, either."

Kayla took a heavy breath and then laid down again, this time her head pillowed on Sarah's lap.

Sarah hesitated for a moment and then slowly began running her finger's through Kay's hair – unknotting the thick brown curls – the stark contrast to her straight blonde.

"Do you think she liked me?" Kayla asked, after moments of silence.

"I know she loved you," Sarah said.

"I'm sure she loved me; I'm her daughter," Kayla said, "But like do you think she liked me as a person?" Her voice had momentarily returned to normal and Sarah was reminded that the girl in her lap was only just thirteen years old.

"Well," Sarah sighed, "She only got to know you for a little while, but I bet she found you irresistible – I've heard that you're just like her, you know."

"That's what Dad said on the way home," she mumbled, "I don't think he liked me asking questions."

Sarah moved from her hair to rub her back and tried to explain Tony the best she could. She didn't know much about he and Ziva – just the fragments Tony had told her late at night, in weeks just before they got married. "I think today was really hard for Dad. He and your…_Ima_ they went through a lot and… when she died…it was really hard on him."  
"And that's why we're here and not in DC." Kayla responded.

"And that's why he tried to protect you."

Kayla nodded and the two slipped back into silence. Sarah was thankful that Kayla had left it at that. She had never really understood Tony's logic about keeping Ziva such a secret from Kayla, but then again, the two of them had been such a train wreck when she'd first met them. On that day, on the San Francisco bay, she would've never dared to enter into a relationship with a man whose daughter almost stumbled into the ocean because he was sobbing on the beach. But she'd saw the little girl wade knee deep and hadn't seen anyone look after her and so, she'd gone down and picked her up. Sarah had walked around with Kayla on her hip until she'd found a man, a disaster of man, with a pink pail and shovel next to him. It had always been clear that she had fallen in love with Kayla first.

"Now that I know," Kayla spoke, "Will you still call me your daughter?"

Sarah opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Kayla continued, tears brimming again, "Because," she pulled the picture of her and Ziva out of her pocket and sat up next to Sarah, "I think _Ima_ would be worried if I was all alone with no Mom. I think…I think she'd still want you to love me even now that I know."

Sarah was crying now, too, there was no way to hide it, "You'll always be my daughter, baby girl. And you'll always have a Mom and an _Ima_ and I know we love you so much so that you'll never be alone."

Kayla wrapped her arms around Sarah's waist and buried her head in her chest. The anxiety had left Sarah and something knew entered her. She had a responsibility – she'd always felt a responsibility to Ziva – a woman she'd never known – but now, now she felt a responsibility to help her daughter _know_ this woman, a responsibility to help her daughter and her husband start healing.

She just hoped that she had Ziva's support.

If Kayla knew anything, then she did.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for the amazing response this story has gotten. For the first time, I'm writing something that no one wants to happen and yet you still read and review. So thank you. **

* * *

**Part III**

It had been ten years since he'd seen her and when she walked around that corner at Washington's Reagan National Airport, Tim McGee swore that there had never existed a resemblance so great. It had been uncanny when she was little, just a baby, really, but now, now it was undeniable – young Ziva was walking towards him in the form of Kayla DiNozzo.

And then something inside of him ached, because ten years later, he missed his friend, _both_ of his friends so much. There was still a gaping hole inside of him, because on that day, the day that he should have lost _his_ life, Tim McGee lost two of his best friends.

He locked eyes with the woman first.

So that was Sarah.

He took a deep breath as Sarah nudged Kayla on the shoulder, guiding her over, and prepared himself to meet his goddaughter for the first time in a decade. _Help me out here, Ziva._

"Kayla," he smiled, "I don't know if you remember me –"

"I remember you, Tim," she took a step forward and he pulled her into a timid embrace.

"It's so good to see you, bud." He said into her hair.

She nodded and took a step back, resuming her place at Sarah's side. Tim offered his hand to Sarah and she graciously shook it, allowing him a moment to gather the courage to take her into her own welcoming hug. She _had_ raised his goddaughter – he owed her something.

"So nice to meet you in person," he said over the lump in the back of his throat because despite that fact that he did owe this woman something, she wasn't Ziva and that felt wrong on every molecular level of Tim's body. He was hugging _not Ziva_. This was _not Ziva_. _Not Ziva_ had brought Ziva's daughter across the country to see him.

He was still wrapping his head around the whole situation.

"Thank you so much for having us," Sarah said, a flicker in her eye that lead McGee to believe that she might have some idea that this was going to be a difficult weekend for him. For all of them.

"Our pleasure," McGee assured. He waved them on and took the suitcase that Kayla had been dragging. "Abby's parked just outside."

They walked in mutual silence through the terminal and out to the parking lot. The air was only briefly penetrated by McGee's inquiries about their flight. It had been smooth sailing.

Abby was out of the car the instant she saw them come through the automatic doors. She had promised McGee that she would keep her emotions in check but seeing Kayla in person had nearly thrown her over the edge. Tim saw the intense waves of emotion instantly cross through her eyes and he knew that she instantly understood the pain that Tony must feel on a daily basis. It made the fact that she only got a call from him every six months a little more forgivable.

"Kayla," she gasped, hand clamped over her trembling mouth.

Tim knew that a part of his wife's world righted itself when Kayla stepped into her arms and pressed herself against her chest.

"You're so big and beautiful," Abby whispered, tears streaming down her face. "You look just like your mother."

"Auntie Abby," Kayla replied, tone just a hushed, "I still have Bert…" It was one of the few things from her childhood that Kayla could connect to a time before it was her and her Dad.

"I'm so glad, sweetie, so glad."

After a few tender seconds, Abby stood up straighter, tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear and moved towards Sarah. She took a deep breath and then engulfed Sarah in a characteristic hug. "Welcome to DC," she said "And to the family. I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Thank you," Sarah whispered back.

McGee gradually shepherded the group into the McGee family SUV and they sped off on the beltway to the home of Leroy Jethro Gibbs.

Tim drove as Abby sat sideways in the front passenger seat – grilling Kayla about school, friends, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and anything else she could come up with.

Tim's attention floated in and out of the conversation. He kept thinking back to the day that he'd found out that Kayla wanted to see him, all of them.

The phone had rung late one Sunday night. Late enough that he'd been aggravated when he'd picked up. He'd been worried that the noise would wake one of the twins. He'd snapped a hello and there'd been a prolonged silence that had led him to believe that it was a prank call, but then the other person spoke.

"Sorry, Probie," he'd said, "Is it too late?" Had the voice not called him Probie, McGee would have never thought that it were Tony on the phone. Trepidation too clear in his voice and they'd barely talked in the decade since… When Tony called, he called Abby's cell or he called when he knew that Tim wasn't home. That's how it had worked – twice a year for the last nine and a half years.

McGee got it. He did. Tony only called Abby because he had too. He knew Abby would never let him be totally cut off, but talking to McGee was just… a lot to handle.

"No, Tony, it's fine." McGee had stumbled over the words – still in shock as to whom he was currently talking to, "What's up?"

"I … uh… need a favor," Tony forced out.

"Yeah, yeah, _anything_."

"Kayla wants to come see you. . . she _needs_ to, actually."

McGee tuned back into the ladies' conversation just in time to hear that Kayla's favorite hobby was writing. McGee glanced off the road for a moment and looked back at his goddaughter.

So she liked to write.

Evidently it was something she did when she need to de-stress – when she just wanted some space. Sarah mentioned that she was really good – she had a talent and she wasn't just saying that because she had to. _Everyone_ made comments like that.

Tim pulled the SUV that Abby usually drove up in front of a medium sized bungalow on a quiet street just outside of the city. There was just one car in the driveway and an American flag hung just outside the door.

"Here we are," McGee said.

Abby turned back towards the front, gazed at the house and then turned back towards Sarah and Kayla. She took a breath and then began to explain. "Kayla," she asked, "Do you remember Gibbs? I think you called him … Papa?"

"The wood," Kayla remembered.

Abby smiled, "Yeah, whenever you stayed at his house, you helped in the basement." She stared at Kayla for a moment, remembering all of the nights that Tony and Ziva would go out for alone time and she would show up at Gibbs' house, full knowing that baby Kayla, little Kayla would be there. At first, she was seated in her highchair right next to her Papa's latest project and he would just talk to her for hours as he sanded the wood. As Kayla got older, the highchair was replaced by a step stool and Gibbs would show the little girl, barely old enough to talk, how to smooth the fine grain. Most times, Abby would stand at the top of the stairs, taking in the scene before heading down to join them.

Tim noticed his wife's distracted state and opened his car door, prompting Kayla and Sarah to do the same. He put his hands on the roof of the car and looked from Sarah to Kayla.

"So you'll meet Alex and Emily inside." He said, "They're me and Abby's twins. They're four – they'll attack you." He smiled. "Just a fair warning."

They walked up the front path and then Abby entered the notoriously unlocked front door. She was greeted by her daughter, running at full speed towards her, exclaiming in excitement. Abby picked Emily off the ground and moved inside. Kayla took up the rear, not sure if she wanted to stay as close to Sarah as humanly possible or if she just wanted to run far away. McGee paused at the door, let Sarah go in front of him and then offered his hand to Kayla.

"Don't be nervous," he whispered.

She nodded, bottom lip between teeth. She was sure that some part of her existed in two realities right now. She was about to see what her life was supposed to be like. Kayla stepped over the threshold just as the grey haired man emerged from the based stairs.

He stared at her for a moment, a smirk slowly growing on his face before Leroy Jethro Gibbs found the strength to talk to his first grandchild. "If it isn't Kayla DiNozzo." He said.

The afternoon moved into the evening with easy fluidity. Kayla would spend some time talking with her family, answering their questions about her life and asking questions about theirs. Sometimes she would try and ask about her mother, it was why she was here, but she saw that it was difficult for them and it was always after someone answered a question about her mother that she would usually excuse herself to go sit on the grass with Alex and Emily. Things seemed easier in their world.

* * *

Tired from their redeye flight, Sarah and Kayla went back to the hotel just before seven that night. Tim drove them and dropped them off at the front door. They rode the elevator in silence, both battling dozens of inner emotions.

Sarah understood that she was supposed to be the strong one here, she understood that Kayla needed to be with these people to have some peace about the blow that had just been dealt to her existence, but at the same time, she was painfully aware that every time Jethro, Abby or Tim looked at her, they saw a woman who wasn't their friend, in their friend's rightful place. And she wasn't sure what to do with that notion.

Inside the hotel room, they had a beautiful view of the sunset over the nation's capital. Kayla stood at the large window, arm holding the curtain back, and stared at the Washington Monument in the distance and the outline of the Capital building.

"Do you want to go sightseeing tomorrow?" Sarah asked, holding onto some shred of suito-normalcy.

Kayla turned back towards her and watched as she unpacked their suitcases. She nodded.

Sarah noticed the turmoil that was raging in her daughter's eyes and sat down on the bed closest to the window. She patted the spot next to her.

Kayla sat down.

"I can imagine that this is very … confusing," she began,

Kayla shrugged. "It's weird. I remember them a little, but I know they see _Ima_ when they look at me, just like Dad."

Sarah ran her hand through the girl's dark curls. "You know that's okay, though, right?"

Kayla nodded and went silent again and Sarah knew that that was the end of the conversation – for now, anyway.

* * *

They did go sightseeing the next day and the day after that. Gibbs and McGee both took respective half days, but mostly, it was Abby running Kayla and Sarah around the city, showing them all the attractions that were constantly swarming with tourists.  
Kayla had always loved history and the genuine smile that shown across her face settled some of the nerves inside of Sarah. Things could still have some shred of normalcy – whatever that was.

It was that afternoon that Tim approached Kayla with a question. They were all eating lunch at an outdoor restaurant in Georgetown. Gibbs was paying the bill when McGee got up from his seat and moved to squat down next to Kayla's chair.

"I left something at work," he said, "Do you want to come with me and see the Navy Yard?"

"Just me and you?" she asked.

"Sarah can come if you want." He offered, momentarily wondering if he should have called her _Mom_.

"I'll go with just you." Kayla said, some type of excitement in her eyes.

And that was how Tim found himself alone in the bullpen with his goddaughter. He sat at his desk, gathering the couple of files that he needed to make the weekend semi productive as she aimlessly wandered around the empty room. It was late and most of the building had gone home.

"So which desk was _Ima's_?" she asked, hand trailing the edge of Gibbs' desk.

Tim shut and locked his file cabinet before standing up. "That one right behind you," he said, "And your Dad sat across from her."

"Who sits there now?"

"Agent Tamera Bower sits at your father's desk and Jason Gilbert sits at your Mo – _Ima's_."

She nodded and took in the picture that he painted for her. "Can I sit in one of their chairs?"

"Sure."

She moved towards Tony's old desk and then paused and Tim felt like he could hear the thoughts in her head. Yes, sitting at Tony's old desk would be safe – it was her Dad and he was still here, but sitting at Ziva's desk was like wading into unchartered waters.

Seemingly ready to take a risk, Kayla turned and gingerly sat down at Ziva's old desk. He watched her lower the chair a bit, allowing her arms to rest comfortably on the table and then suddenly her head fell into her palms and she looked like the world was resting on his shoulders. _I swear its you, Ziva. I really do. _

But he knew that it wasn't and Tim tried to think of something to steer Kayla away from realizing all that she would never know.

"You know," he began, "before you were born, your parents used to sit across from each other and fight like raging cats and dogs."

"Really?" her eyes brightened just a little.

"Oh yeah." He rubbed his forehead and leaned on Ton – Tamera's desk. "They used to drive me crazy. "I swore one day they'd bite each other's head off."

She smiled. "Did they?"

"Ah, no." He laughed. "They came close a couple times, but got married instead."

Kayla slouched back in the chair and then slowly spun it from side to side. She laid her head back against the pad and stared thoughtfully at the skylight. "It's not the same chair." She stated.

McGee shook his head slowly, "No, it's not, but it is the same desk."

"I remember sitting here," she said, a few moments later. "Its my only memory of her. I was on her hip and then I was sitting in her chair – she was tickling me. And… you and my Dad were leaning against this," she pointed to the partition.

"I remember." The words nearly caught in his throat, because it may have been Kayla's only memory of Ziva, but it was also one of his favorites and one of his last. _I'm so sorry, Ziva_.

He cleared his throat and kept some semblance of composure, "I'm sure you've heard this," he said, "But you look just like her."

"That's _all_ I've heard."

"Do you want to know more?" he asked, the words escaped from his mouth before he knew what he was offering and the hesitation was clear in the final words of the question.

She made eye contact with him then and she saw the pain that was seeping through them and he knew that she wanted to say yes, needed to say yes, but that she thought it would put him through too much. _She's more you than you'll ever know_.

He took a breath and let the wave of emotion flow out of him. _I owe you so much more, but I guess we'll start here_.

"It's okay," he said, "Your Mother, she was one of my best friends and… I love talking about her because she was an amazing woman and she did… the most selfless thing in the world for me because that was… that was what she did for people she loved and that was her instinct." He came over and he kneeled beside her, hands on the chair's armrests. "You need to know, Kayla, that _anytime_ you want to know something, you can always ask any of us."

She took a deep and ragged breath and wiped a few tears from her eyes, "I want to know everything," she squeaked.

His heart sank partly in selfishness for the pain that he was about to go through but mostly because, in front of him, was this sweet girl who only wanted to know her mother – a mother that would have done anything and everything for her, showed her the world and given her more than she'd ever dreamed of. McGee knew that they would have been happy and it broke his heart because not only would Kayla never know Ziva, the most amazing mother a child could ask for, but also because McGee knew that she was only getting the broken and remaining shards of her father.

So he told her everything that he could because he owed her that and so much more. She was the consequence to his living. She didn't have _her_ mother because he was alive. Tim told Kayla the things that he knew about Ziva's life before she came to NCIS and the US, he told her how she was an officer in the IDF at such a young age and how she'd always tried to pass it off as average, but he knew to the contrary. He told about her first few years at NCIS and all the idioms that she would botch. He told her about their happiest years as a team and their darkest years, he gave her an edited version of he and Tony's trip to the Sahara Desert and how Tony's words made all the more sense in hindsight. He told her that when NCIS was blown up and he was in a coma for almost a week, she'd been in the room when he'd woken up, keeping vigil as the others slept. Tim McGee told her every single detail he could remember about the day that Tony and Ziva got engaged and he gave her a play by play of their wedding and the day that Kayla herself was born. For hours, he told Kayla everything he could remember and by the time he was done, they were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the floor.

"Thank you," she'd whispered, head falling against his arm.

"Anytime, hon, anytime." He looked at his watch, "It's late though, everyone will be wondering where we are."

As they stepped into the fluorescent lights of the elevator, he watched Kayla turn back and gaze at the room that she hadn't known influenced so much of her existence. "Can I come back sometime?" she asked.

"As much as you want," he replied.

* * *

The morning of her last day in Washington, Gibbs found Kayla sitting alone in his basement. Tim, Abby, Sarah and the twins were upstairs chatting and having a late breakfast. He'd noticed her slip away after the conversation got going and he'd figured that she'd be back, but when ten minutes passed and Kayla still hadn't returned, Gibbs snuck out of the room to find her.

"I thought you'd be down here," he lowered himself onto the step next to her.

She continued to stare at the wood planks below her for a moment before turning her head to look at the grandfather that she'd never really gotten to know. She remembered being down here with him when she were little and something about her Papa put her at ease, but she still didn't know him like Grandpa Tony or Grandpa Mark.

"You and I had all of our best conversations down here," he mentioned, filling the silence. "'Course, for the most part it was one-sided, but I always knew you were listening. Ziver'd taught you how to do that from the start." He smiled, shaking his head, "She'd come see me and go on and on about all the things that you two had discussed, even when you were barely six months old. I think I reminded her once that you were just a baby and your Mom, she'd looked at me then and said, _I know, Gibbs, but that does not mean she isn't listening_. You were her world. "

Tears had begun welling in her eyes as he'd started talking and by the time that Gibbs was done with the story, the salty water droplets were streaming down her face. He wrapped and arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest – smoothing her hair and whispering to her.

"I just wan' to hear 'er voice," she choked out.

"I know, baby girl," he whispered, "I know."

She cried in his arms for a while. It was the first time that she'd cried in front of anyone since that day in the park. She'd finally found the person that she felt could handle it.

The emotion came out in waves and Kayla swore that she was drowning in a sea of loss and misunderstanding. How could it be that the only person that she thought could save her would never be around? She didn't want her Mom right now, as much as she loved her Mom, right now she wanted her _Ima_. She wanted something that she could never have.

When the sobs finally subsided, Kayla took a few hiccupped breaths before looking at her Papa, shame in her eyes.

He brushed a curl behind her ear, "What is it?" he asked.

She bit her lip, "I'm not ready," she whispered, her chest sinking. "I over heard Abby telling my Mom where you were going to take me today and… I can't." She couldn't see where her Ima was buried. It was all too fast and so concrete. She couldn't. Not alone.

"It's okay," he said, kissing her forehead, "You don't have to go anywhere you don't want to."

"I will someday," she said, "But… I need … I need Dad here with me."

"I agree, you do."

"I miss him," she said, throat beginning to clog with emotions again, "I know it's always been hard for him – I know why he couldn't come and Tim told me about the time that you all thought Ima was dead and how Daddy had gone and brought her back because he couldn't live without her and I know that when he looks at me he sees her."

"Doesn't mean he doesn't love you, Kay." DiNozzo had tripped over a lot of things in the past ten years – he'd made a lot of tough and harsh decisions, but he'd always stuck by his daughter and in the first days that Ziva was gone, he hadn't left her once. They'd known that he'd wanted to run, he'd wanted to be alone, he'd wanted to join Ziva – but he hadn't, he never left Kayla.

"I know."

"Hopefully some day we'll get him back here and you can see it – when you're ready – where your Ima is."

She nodded, hoping he was right, hoping that by telling her the truth her Dad would be able to let go just a bit, but then she paused.

"I don't think she's there, Papa."

He smiled, "I don't either, Kay."

* * *

Tony found her outside that night. She and Sarah had taken an early morning flight and once they got home, Kayla had ran right up to her room and locked herself in there. He didn't blame her. He'd hate him and life, too.

It was hours later, just as dusk was settling, that he saw the deck light flicker on and he noticed her bent over on a lawn chair.

She was sorting pictures.

He had figured that would come home with things from the team and he knew that he'd have to deal with it. He'd been running for ten years.

"Can I join you?" he asked.

She nodded and he pulled one of the smaller chairs over and sat it next to her. For a moment it took his breath away. Ziva was everywhere. Pictures from when they were still just partners, pictures from when they'd first started dating, engagement pictures, wedding pictures, pictures of pregnant Ziva – there were pictures of her holding the only hours old Kayla, there were pictures of the three of them walking back into their house for the first time, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, New Year's, Easter, pictures from the beach – he almost ran away, but he had to stop sometime.

He saw her eyes flicker over to him and then back to the sorting. "Lot of pictures you got there," he remarked.

She nodded, "Abby said you loved taking pictures."

"I did," he agreed, "Especially of you and your mother."

"I like them, Dad." She said, "I miss them almost as much as her now."

He nodded, "I'm sorry I kept you away, baby."

"I want to go back –"

"As much as you want."

"But Dad," she said, finally getting up the courage to turn and look at him, "I want to go with you next time, not Mom. Mom was amazing, Daddy, but I need you. Daddy, I want to go see where Ima's buried, but I need you…. not Mom, not Abby or Tim or Papa. You."

He nodded and reached out to pull her into his arms and by some divine miracle she went. "Okay," he managed, "You and me, Kay. We'll go." _I promise, Ziva_.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So sorry for the delay of this last installment. I really wanted it to be perfect and it took me a while to get it to a good place. I thank you in advance for sticking with me and this experiment. I hope to never see something even remotely like this on screen, but nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it.**

**Part IV**

Driving to the airport hadn't been hard. Neither was saying goodbye to Sarah and Ethan.

He had been relaxed during the flight. He and Kayla had chatted, mostly about things that don't matter. They watched a movie together.

He can't remember the name right now.

It was when the captain announced that they were about to begin their final descent into Washington's Reagan National that he thought he might actually pass out.

Tony stared out the window in attempt to prevent his already weary little girl from seeing his unease. But he could see everything and it was all so painfully familiar and yet, achingly, distantly foreign. Every landmark held a memory and yet he was still some thousand-odd feet off of the ground.

"Dad?" Kayla asked.

He turned, pulling himself away from below. "Yeah?"

"Are you going to be okay?" Biting her lip, she looked so much like Ziva did then, but then again, she didn't. It was Kay sitting next to him. Not Ziva.

He nodded. "Yeah, Kay, I'm going to be okay."

And then the flight attendant asked them to fold up their tray tables.

* * *

McGee picked them up. He was waiting just outside the TSA check-point. He looked older, more tired than Tony had remembered and he had put of few of the pounds back on.

Then again, Tony was sure McGee thought the same of him. It _had_ been over ten years.

"Uncle Tim!" Kayla smiled and rushed into the man's arm. She lingered as he pulled her close for a hug.

"You're taller," he remarked.

It's been almost a year," she explained.

Tim nodded at the explanation and turned more towards Tony. He stuck out his left hand.

And the older man was hesitant at first. For a moment, he couldn't understand how McGee could stand to be so friendly towards him – after all that had happened over the years. But it _was_ McGee and when Tony did reach forward and return the shake – firm and lingering, something inside of him dissipated and calmed.

_Probie._

He'd missed him – missed him almost like he missed Ziva. And that said something.

"It's great to see you," McGee said.

Tony pulled him into a hug and patted his back. "Good to see you, too, Tim. _So_ good."

When they pulled away, McGee slung an around Kayla's shoulders and led them outside. There was something incredibly natural about watching his old partner interact in such a familiar way with his daughter.

The realization brought a pang of guilt through him. How on earth had he been selfish enough to deprive her of these incredible people?

* * *

Seeing Gibbs at dinner that night was much harder than he expected. It was harder than Abby's painfully tear filled hug that almost suffocated him. He had and _has_ so much respect for this man and he knew that he has let him down so much in the past decade. He wasn't sure his old boss had any respect left for him.

Tony wouldn't blame him if that were true.

It didn't seem to be the case though because once dinner ended and Kayla went into the backyard to play with the McGee twins – two small children he couldn't understand how he'd fallen in love with at first sight – Gibbs came into the living room and took a seat next him.

They sat in silence for a while. Tony stole a couple of glances in his Boss' direction. He'd been so nervous to see him and part of him still was, but another part of him was so relieved. He was comforted and reassured by the man's presence. Ziva's death had knocked Tony's earth off it's axis and it still wasn't completely righted, despite the new life he had created, but sitting next to Gibbs, he felt just a little bit closer to stability again.

"You did good," Gibbs said, breaking their silence and turning towards Tony.

Tony opened and closed his mouth a couple of time. He wasn't sure _what_ to say.

"With both of them," he continued. "Kayla is an amazing kid, not that I expected any less. There's enough Ziva in her to counter act anything you could have messed up, but there was nothing to correct, DiNozzo. The way she talks about you –all the stuff you've done for her. You're a good father, Tony and…and Sarah – she's not too bad either."

"Do you think Ziva would like her?" Tony wasn't quite sure where the question had come from, but he couldn't control it as it tumbled out of his mouth.

"I think that Ziva," Gibbs began, but then paused. His eyes moved off to the distance and Tony wondered just what about her he was thinking.

"More than anyone, Ziva would understand how complicated this whole thing has been." Gibbs continued. "I think she would like that Sarah's been there for Kayla and…for you. And I think she'd like that Sarah did a very self-less thing in bringing her here."

Tony sighed and rubbed a hand along his neck. _She okay, Ziv?_

Gibbs looked at Tony. "How could you not?"

He nodded in resignation. "Yeah," he said, "Sarah's way better than I deserve, but I don't know how I would have raised Kay without her."

"You would've done it because you had to." _For Ziva._

Silence set in between the two men. They watched Kayla as she played outside with the twins. "In hindsight," Tony said, "I wish I would've been man enough to stick around here. You know, have you guys around for her."

"You did what you had to."

And it was left at that because Abby came flitting in from the kitchen. She made her own seat between Tony and Gibbs and took Tony's face in her hands. "I still can't believe its you," she said.

He smiled and patted her hand.

Abby sighed. "So tell me about Kayla – about when she was little."

* * *

Tony knew that he had some ground to regain with Kayla. She would never admit it, but she hadn't look at him the same since she'd found out that he'd been lying to her about her mother. He couldn't blame her, really. It _was_ one of his worst life decisions.

So the next day they set off together. He was determined to show her all the places they'd frequented with Ziva when she was little. He needed to give her something tangible of the woman that she'd never know.

Borrowing the McGee SUV, or as Tony liked to call it, the _McAbby mobile_, they started at the apartment. The place it all started.

Ten years later, the apartment building wasn't as shiny and new as it had been when Ziva had moved in there after her return to NCIS. But still, it looked good and it flooded Tony with memories that he'd long suppressed – like the first time he'd picked her up for their first real date; or the time that she'd asked him to spend the night; the day they came home from their honeymoon, all wide-eyed and blissful; the night they brought Kayla home from the hospital. There were less pleasant memories as well – his first night alone with Kayla; the moment when he realized he'd never feel her in his arms again – the day he carried Kayla out the door.

He shook it off and opened the door for his daughter. "So this is it, Kayla."

"I don't really remember it," she looked around, taking in the lobby.

Tony shrugged. "I wouldn't expect you to. You were so little." He reached over and tussled her hair. _Sometimes it makes you smile._

"Can we go upstairs?" she asked.

"Uh…yeah." He walked over to the elevator and inside, hit number three. "Other people live there. We can't go in."

"I know."

He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. The elevator looked the same. He'd kissed her so many times in this elevator – passionately, tenderly, lovingly. He ran his fingers through his hair and then, mercifully, they reached the floor and the doors opened.

Somehow, the air outside the elevator seemed so much crisper.

"Down the hall and to the left." He instructed.

Kayla nodded and he followed her down the hallway until the numbers began to creep closer and closer to 334.

"That's it." He announced and he stopped just a foot or so behind her, some six feet before the door itself.

She turned back and raised an eyebrow at him. "This one?" she asked, "_334_?"

"Yup," and his hands found their way back into his pockets as his eyes diverted to the floor.

He and Ziva had moved into this particular apartment when she was seven months pregnant. They'd been living in her apartment for years - just one floor below, but with Kayla on the way, a fresh start and a bigger space to raise their family seemed ideal. And it _was_ ideal, the almost four years that they lived there together were exactly what he had always wanted. He and Ziva took turns leaving work early to relieve the babysitter and they always spent Saturday night and Sunday together as a family – the three of them.

"Can I?" She reached her hand towards the door bell and he fought the urge to swat her arm away.

"Uh, no, Kay," he shook his head. "I told you downstairs – other people live there now."

"I know," she sighed, "I was just hopping that…we could ring the door bell or something and tell them why and maybe that'd let us look around and stuff." She shrugged and he slung an arm around her shoulder and pulled her against his chest.

She looked so much like Ziva when she was sad and it always made the pain of her sorrow two folded. He ran a few fingers through her hair and guided her back towards the elevator. "Aw, baby," he sighed, "It wouldn't even look the same."

"I want her, Dad." The statement was muffled both by the cry that hiccupped from her mouth and the way that she dug herself into his chest. "I want her so bad and I don't even miss her because I feel like I never even knew her, but I look just like her and I can't help but wonder who I'd be if she'd raised me."

He stopped then and he pushed her back a bit, because she was inconsolable now and barely making any sense. It was exactly the kind of feelings that he'd always wanted to protect her from. "Kayla," he said, he ran a finger down her cheek. "You're still you and you'd be you if _Ima_ was here today. I don't want you to ever think that because she's not here, there's something wrong with you. You're perfect, baby."

She bit her lip and nodded and he hoped that she believed what he was saying. "Can we go?"

He nodded and wrapped his arms back around her. "Yeah, come on, we'll go get something to eat."

* * *

Tony was sitting on the McGee family's back deck, early the next morning, when he heard the sliding door open. He turned.

"You're up early, Tony." McGee remarked. His standard issue black NCIS backpack was slung on his left shoulder.

"So are you," Tony responded. "You're not working today, are you?"

"Not technically. I try to never work Saturdays or Sundays. You know, since Alex and Emily were born, but I…uh…need to go sign off on a few things."

"Senior Field Agent." Tony murmured.

"Learned from the best."

"I don't know about that," Tony scoffed.

"Well," Tim shrugged. He stared at the deck planks for a moment and then looked back at Tony. "Do you want to come? It's early. I don't think many people would be there."

"Tamara and Jason won't think it's weird?"

"They'll be star struck."

"Well," Tony smiled, that old DiNozzo grin and pushed himself off of his chair, "Who could deny that, eh?"

As they left Silver Spring and headed towards the Navy Yard, McGee focused mostly on speaking about Alex and Emily. They were easy and safe conversation and he was sure that he'd never run out of things to say.

But inevitably, he did and as they passed the security check and headed towards the NCIS designated parking lot, Tony took their mutual lapse in silence to gather the courage to be frank with McGee.

"I'm sorry, Tim," he said.

McGee looked from the road to Tony. "For what?"

"The past ten years. How I couldn't look you in the eye at the funeral. That you didn't get to say goodbye to your god-daughter. That I've only talked to Abby."

McGee pulled into a spot and cut the ignition. He turned towards his first and only, true partner. "I won't lie, Tony – it hurt. You blaming me for Ziva's death when I, myself, wished it'd been me, too – it wasn't easy. But it was never that I didn't get it. That was probably the hardest part. I knew why you had to do it, so it was what it was."

Tony stuck out his hand. "No excuses, though. It was a really shitty thing to do and I… really am sorry."

"Thanks, Tony." McGee shook his hand and then pulled him into a hug. "It means a lot. And…I miss her too."

* * *

Standing in the elevator with McGee was oddly familiar and strikingly different than he remembered and when the doors opened he was taken a back to see that the eternally orange walls had been _painted_.

"_Woah_." He said.

"I know, right?" McGee said. "Who would've thought that _plum_ could be worse than _orange_?"

"It's dark."

"Depressing, yeah." McGee agreed.

"When did that happen?"

"A year or so ago."

They entered an empty bullpen and McGee dropped his bag behind his desk and began logging into his computer.  
"Guess your team isn't here yet." Tony remarked, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and milled around the area. He took in the differences and noticed the things that had stayed the same – the ones that held the memories.

McGee looked at his watch. "I wonder if they're ever on time on Saturdays. You know, knowing I'm not usually here."

"Probably not." Tony said. He'd stopped in front of Ziva's old desk. This was where it had all began. His life had been set in motion due to this very location. Staring at her, day in and day out, he'd been ruined – forever captivated by her.

"Do you love her?"

The question broke Tony out of his reverie and he turned back towards McGee, not really sure what he was talking about.

"What?"

"Sarah. Do you love her?"

Tony pursed his lips and sat on the edge of Ziva – Jason's desk. He crossed his arms. "Yeah. I do." He said. He took a deep breath. "I love Sarah, but it's different than what it was with Zi. I fell in love with _Ziva_. She was _it_ for me, I think. But…Sarah…Sarah helped me be a person again. She taught me how to function and she loved Kayla. She fixed me as much as I can be fixed and that's how I started loving her."

"I tried not to like her," McGee admitted, "When I met her last year, I thought I owed Ziva and you to an extent … to not like her, but that ended up being too hard."

"Yeah," Tony smiled, "She's pretty good like that."

McGee nodded and went back to work. _Couldn't lie to him, Ziva_.

* * *

Their last day in DC was the day that Tony intended to keep good on his word to Kayla. There wasn't a fraction of him that wanted to return to that cemetery, but he'd told Kayla they would – she needed it and he'd promised Ziva.

He parked the _McAbby mobile_ at the base of the hill and held out his hand for his daughter as they began to make their way to Ziva's spot.

He hadn't been here since the day they'd left for San Francisco. He'd come and said goodbye and though he never really thought she was here – it was something tangible and that was what he needed. He'd sobbed as he'd told her where he was going and what he was doing. He apologized profusely – knew he was letting her down wherever she was, but asked her to never forget that it was for Kayla and he knew that she loved their little girl more than anything in the world, so someday she'd find a way to understand.

Tony let go of Kayla's hand as her steps quickened when Ziva's headstone came into view. She looked back at him.

"That's –?" she couldn't finish the question, but he nodded anyway.

"Yeah, David-DiNozzo, that's it." He whispered.

She focused in on the letters and sank down to the ground next it. She propped the daisies that she'd insisted on bringing against the side and then reached up to run her fingers along the _Z_ in the Ziva.

"Shalom, Ima," she whispered. "I'm Kayla… b-but you know that."

Kayla turned away from the letters and rested her head against the granite. She closed her eyes. "Daddy brought me to our house."

She swallowed.

"Sometimes, I think I can feel you running your hands through my hair."

Kayla wiped her eyes.

"Mom takes good care of me, Ima. She does, but I lay in bed at night and dream of meeting you."

A tear dripped down the side of her cheek, but she remembered something and smiled. "Aunt Abby found video of you and me dancing and your voice is so beautiful, Ima. I'm bringing it home with me."

She looked up at Tony, and saw the tears running down his owns face. He'd tried to stay strong for her, but the emotion spilling out of her was too much for him. Here was his Kay begging to be with the mother she'd never get to know. When she was born, he'd sworn he'd give the world.

He couldn't give her what she wanted most.

"Will you sit with me, Dad? She asked.

He took a second, inhaled and then moved down to the ground next to her. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into him.

"Hi, Zi." He whispered. "She's pretty great isn't she?" He ran his fingers through Kayla's hair. "Sorry I kept her away, Sweetcheeks."

"Sweetcheeks?" she asked.

"That's what I used to call your Ima."

Father and daughter sat in silence for quite some time. The early afternoon clouds turned into late afternoon sunshine before either made any move to get up. But at some point, Kayla pushed herself from Tony's lap and turned back to her mother's name. She traced the whole thing one last time and then, arms wrapped around herself, started back towards the car.

Tony went to get up and follow her, but something held him back and so he closed his eyes and rested his head back against the stone.

"You'd be doing a much better job," he said. He chuckled a little. "I thought we'd agreed that I'd go first, Ziva. That'd been the deal. You're the stronger one."

He took his head in his hands. "I wish you could see her, Zi. She's you. It's incredible. When she smiles, like when she's actually happy, not just faking it – I'm convinced you're glowing within her."

Tears started to form in his eyes again. "I miss you everyday. And I … I hope you know that Sarah hasn't replaced you … for me _or_ Kay. Like…I love her, Zi, and she's given me something to live for, but they'll always be you. You know?"

He swallowed and wiped his eyes. "Yeah, you probably know that. You were the secure one. I'm still the bumbling idiot."

He went silent for a moment, memories of all the embarrassing things he'd done to impress her filling his head. And then a small and warm breeze came across the trees and enveloped him and he would have thought nothing of it but it wasn't just any breeze. Tucked among the smell of trees and flowers was something distinctly Ziva – peach and the smallest hint of a middle-eastern spice that he'd never been able to pin-point.

He opened his eyes and smiled, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. "I love you too." He said and then he got up and headed back down to Kayla.

* * *

Tony took Kayla's carry on from her and stowed it in the overhead compartment. He locked the bin and then took a seat next to her. He watched as she fastened her seatbelt and then stared out the window, taking in one last view of Washington.

"Kay?" he asked.

She turned towards him, eyebrow raised. "Mhm?"

"Mom teaching you Hebrew or something?"

"No," she shook her head. "Why?" she asked, clearly confused.

"You said _Shalom_ at the cemetery and then when Gibbs said goodbye today, you said _Ani Ohevet Otcha_."

She shrugged. "I've always known how to say that."

"You have?"

She nodded and he stared at her for a moment.

"Oh. Okay." _Sure she has, Ziva. _


End file.
